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In my last post, I wrote about the process of desensitizing yourself to rejection. The only way to take away the power of rejection is to practice receiving it daily. “No” only has the power to hurt you if you let it.
You have plenty of options when someone tells you no.
- I’ll ask again later.
- I’ll ask someone else.
- I’ll find another way to get what I want.
- I’ll ask someone for advice on how to get it.
Scott Allan, author of Rejection Free: How to Choose Yourself First and Take Charge of Your Life by Confidently Asking for What You Want, suggest these steps for asking without fear:
- STOP thinking about the negative outcome, which is getting rejected and hearing NO. It doesn’t matter, because if you don’t ask, you’re rejecting yourself and you won’t get anything anyway. Focusing on a bad outcome is going to affect the way you ask, if you do at all. If you are focused on the outcome not turning out the way you want it to, turn it around so that you visualize yourself getting that YES.
- Visualize the action of ASK, not the response— it is not important that you get a YES. Of course that is what you want, but if you bank everything on getting that YES and you keep getting told NO, you’ll revert back to thinking about the negative outcome. The positive outcome is the action of you asking. Not the result.
- Ask yourself “What’s the worst that can happen?” Generally, the answer is “They might say no.” Then ask yourself: so what? Rejection is an illusion; it can’t hurt you unless you internalize it.
- Keep on asking, choosing when, how and who to ask to give yourself the best chance of success you can get.
Practice asking over and over until rejection loses its grip on you. As you get things you want (whether it’s extra whipped cream or a date with that hottie you’ve been sighing over), your confidence will grow. Confidence will attract more and more success. You’ll find that you succeed much more often and brood much less over what you don’t receive.
Part of the shame of rejection is that it feels like you’re the only one. Rejection happens to everyone, every day. Go out and meet it, instead of shrinking in the corner, waiting and dreading it coming for you.
Scott Allan says: “Our fear of getting rejected is, like any fear, all-empowering until we strip it of all power it has over us.”
“Just get out there and get rejected, and sometimes it’s going to get dirty. But that’s OK, ’cause you’re going to feel great after, you’re going to feel like, ‘Wow. I disobeyed fear.’ ”
– Jason Comely, Founder of Rejection Therapy.com
Back to you: did you try any of these techniques? Have you asked for what you want lately? Leave a comment and let me know how it worked.